Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
