He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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