Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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