we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's like iHOP with fire
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Im part way to drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
