wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
