very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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