ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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