the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
