yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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