ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
