Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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