I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
