I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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