No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
