if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
