Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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