I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
