I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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