I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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