he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
