he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
