if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
