Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
