Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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