Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
