Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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