what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
