You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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