How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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