We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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