How'd it feel making her break her religion?
two words: eviction party
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
