I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
