so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
