Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You had me at "let me see your balls"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
