Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
