Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
