i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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