Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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