i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
