Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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