woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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