I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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