I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
