They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Randomize
