Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize