I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
