i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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