Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
