Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
