I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
