i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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