So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
