operation harelip BJ is a go
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
