where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
