you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
