Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize