I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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