after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
