Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
