I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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