respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just high enough for therapy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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