I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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